| Author | Message | ||
| native dancer
Advanced Member Username: nativedancer Post Number: 243 Registered: 12-2004 |
i stand back as you bend over to touch her hair speaking to the wild eyes the gaping mouth trying helplessly to help her relax and let go but you can tell shes fighting it clinging to this nothingness as if it were still a life to live and you say were here patsy its me and heres jim too we love you love you murmuring it over and over like a prayer on cnn someone says pray for our heroic boys and girls to bring them home again safe from and i glance at the roommate who never has visitors at all who lies on her side facing the block wall as she masturbates under the covers eyes closed fucking her husband who died in fifty-three reaching out to put a trembling arm around him and hump her wet diaper against his groin pledging her troth anew every time she hears you murmur i love you | ||
| Penelope
Intermediate Member Username: penelope Post Number: 414 Registered: 07-2005 |
Jim, I love you. I'm gushing, I know, but this is hardest, tenderest piece I have read in a long time. I tear up everytime I read it. You've turned me inside. How can something so painful feel so good to have been voiced. You are amazing. (Message edited by Penelope on November 14, 2005) Penelope | ||
| Gary Blankenship
Senior Member Username: garyb Post Number: 5579 Registered: 07-2001 |
the dawg cries The Eye of the Coming Storm http://www.mindfirerenew.com/ | ||
| Dale McLain
Advanced Member Username: sparklingseas Post Number: 1564 Registered: 11-2004 |
Ah, well... this is a beauty. sighs~dale | ||
| native dancer
Advanced Member Username: nativedancer Post Number: 244 Registered: 12-2004 |
penelope, gary, dale ... thanks. i'm really moved by your replies. jim | ||
| michael julius sottak
Advanced Member Username: julius Post Number: 1781 Registered: 12-2003 |
if you'd shut off the blender & pull me out, jim...I'd tell you how fine this is... | ||
| LJ Cohen
Moderator Username: ljc Post Number: 3370 Registered: 07-2002 |
Jim--this is raw and unflinching. An uncomfortable read in places, and full of power. Well done. best, ljc http://ljcbluemuse.blogspot.com/ | ||
| ~M~
Board Administrator Username: mjm Post Number: 5867 Registered: 11-1998 |
You always make me look at things I don't want to look at, j. I hate you for that, but I love you for it more. Just a couple of stumbles: "a life to live and you say were here patsy its me" I know you don't like punctuation, but in this case, "we're" needs that apostrophe or it read "were." "like a prayer on cnn someone says pray for our heroic boys and girls to bring them home again safe from" The line just petered out and I couldn't help asking "safe from what?" Yes, I know it was probably intentional, but just because it's intentional doesn't always mean it works. | ||
| native dancer
Advanced Member Username: nativedancer Post Number: 245 Registered: 12-2004 |
michael, lisa, and lady M, there are times when your presence is motivation enough to write a poem. thanks for being here. well, M, yes, the were was deliberate, and if one commits to a non-punctuated piece, he has to live with an occasional stumbling place, and this is one of them for sure. but me, you know me, i like that lol. the CNN line was meant to break off abruptly because of the change in point of view for the narrator, flicking his eyes from the tv back to Patsy, or perhaps just hearing an isolated piece of commentary, which, in this case offers a contrast between the daily tv pablum dosed out by the newscasters and the moment by moment heroism and/or courage and/or grief and/or loneliness of all the people we never get to meet. but you're right, every line is a gamble, and every poem a bigger one. i'm an old OTB gambler, though, and i guess the poems are influenced by that. love, jim | ||
| jennifer vanburen
New member Username: annaswirls Post Number: 1 Registered: 10-2005 |
Jim- wonderful as always, the wet diaper you got me way down, that return to infancy in an adult body, adult experiences and we return. My heart breaks. ~anna | ||
| native dancer
Advanced Member Username: nativedancer Post Number: 246 Registered: 12-2004 |
thanks, jennifer. i've been to your mannequin envy site and it's really fine. i urge all the wild things to take a look. jim | ||
| Karen L Monahan
Valued Member Username: klhmonahan Post Number: 185 Registered: 08-2004 |
masterful |
